Most home poker games don't fall apart because of bad beats. They fall apart because nobody talked about the money before the cards came out. Someone shows up expecting $20 stakes and the host announces $50. A player who's losing keeps rebuying past what they can afford. The night ends and nobody's sure who owes what.
These are fixable problems. This guide covers how to set buy-ins, handle rebuys, manage the cash, and deal with the awkward moments that come up when friends mix poker and money.
How Much Should You Buy In For?
A formula that poker forum hosts swear by: ask every player in the group "What's the most you could lose tonight and genuinely not care?" Take the lowest answer and the calculator below will give you your blinds and buy-in.
The formula anchors to the person with the tightest budget, which is the point. Most people have too big of an ego to verbalize that they need lower stakes. They won't ask you to lower the game. They'll just stop showing up. Great games have died because stakes crept up until half the players couldn't afford them anymore.
Most home games land somewhere between $20 and $100 buy-ins. Below that and you're in college game territory - loose, wild, nobody cares about the money. Above that and you need a group where every single person has steady income and genuinely doesn't flinch at the number. If even one player at the table is uncomfortable, you're too high.
The Sweet Spot Test
Before your next game, ask yourself: "If I lose three buy-ins tonight, will I still enjoy the rest of the evening?" If the answer is no, the stakes are too high. The problem is people lie to themselves about the answer.
It's always easier to raise stakes than to lower them. Start conservative. If after three sessions everyone's saying "I wish there was more action," bump it up. Trying to lower stakes after someone's lost $300 they couldn't afford is a much harder conversation.
Rebuys, Add-Ons, and Caps
More home games die from unclear rebuy rules than from bad cards.
The Unlimited Rebuy Problem
A recurring story on poker forums goes like this: a player (call him Robbie) shoves all-in every other hand during the first hour, rebuys when he busts, and does it again. He has the bankroll for it. The problem is that he knocks out two or three players per session who can't or won't rebuy at that pace. They're sitting there stacked while Robbie reloads for the third time.
The host in that story eventually capped rebuys at one per player after two regulars quietly stopped showing up. The cap fixed the game, though Robbie wasn't thrilled about it.
Unlimited rebuys sound democratic but they favor deeper pockets. The first hour turns into coin-flip gambling where the player willing to burn the most cash has a structural advantage. A simple cap - one or two rebuys total - keeps the game fair without being rigid.
A Rebuy Structure That Works
A common setup for cash games:
Rebuys: Allowed for the first 90 minutes only. Same amount as the original buy-in. Maximum of 1 rebuy per player. You can only rebuy when your stack drops below the minimum buy-in (50 big blinds).
This gives people a second chance if they take a bad beat early, but it doesn't let anyone turn the game into an ATM.
Buying Short Ruins the Game
Set a minimum buy-in and enforce it. When someone buys in for 20 big blinds at a 100 big blind table, they create asymmetric risk - they can double up through you, but you can never win a full stack from them. It's frustrating for everyone else and it kills the flow.
A minimum of 50 big blinds is standard. 100 big blinds is better. Put it in the group text before the game and don't make exceptions.
How to Handle the Money
Most poker guides skip the money logistics. Which is strange, because that's where most of the actual drama comes from.
Regardless of how you handle payments, one person should be the designated banker for the night. The banker is the only person who handles buy-ins, tracks amounts, and manages the end-of-night settlement. Players should never buy chips from each other - always through the banker. This keeps the accounting clean.
There are two common approaches:
Option 1: Cash Bank
The traditional setup. The banker collects cash from each player and hands out chips. Rebuys work the same way - cash to the banker, chips to the player.
At the end of the night, players bring their chips back to the banker and get cash in return. Both sides should count independently to avoid mistakes.
The banker needs to have enough cash on hand to pay out winners. If the math doesn't add up at the end (miscounted a buy-in, gave out wrong change), the banker covers the shortfall. That's the deal - you take the responsibility, you take the risk. The banker always cashes out last.
Option 2: Cashless / Digital
No cash changes hands during the game. The banker tracks everything on a ledger - who bought in, how many times, and each player's final chip count.
At the end of the night, the banker calculates each player's net win or loss. Settlement happens via Venmo, Zelle, or Cash App. To keep it simple: all losers send their net losses to one person (usually the biggest winner), and that person distributes to the other winners. Fewer transactions, less confusion.
One thing to keep in mind: the cashless model runs on trust. With cash, the money is already in the bank before anyone plays a hand. With digital settlement, a player who loses could technically leave without paying. This works fine with close friends, but for games with newer or less familiar players, cash up front is safer.
If you're using payment apps, use "friends & family" or personal payment categories, not "goods & services." Goods & services payments above certain thresholds get reported to the IRS - not something your Thursday night poker game needs to deal with.
Going South Is Cheating
Whichever mode you use, "going south" - secretly pocketing chips during a cash game, pulling a stack off the table when no one's looking - is cheating. State this as a house rule once and move on.
Settle Up That Night
IOUs are friendship poison. The professional poker world is full of cautionary tales - Eli Elezra borrowed $100K, only repaid $60K, and stopped answering messages. Daniel Negreanu has said he's owed "closer to eight figures" in bad poker debts. These are millionaires. Your buddy who says "I'll Venmo you tomorrow" after losing $80 isn't a millionaire.
Make "settle before you leave" a house rule. If someone truly can't pay that second, open Venmo at the table and do it right there. No exceptions, no awkwardness, no IOUs festering for days.
The Social Dynamics
Behavioral economist Dan Ariely found that people were 50% more likely to help a friend move when they weren't paid versus when offered a small payment. The small payment turned a favor into a transaction - and a cheap one at that.
A poker buy-in does something similar. The moment $50 hits the table, part of your brain stops seeing friends and starts seeing opponents. That's fine - it's the whole point of the game. The trick is making sure everyone transitions back to friendship when the chips get stacked.
The Fun-vs.-Win Mismatch
Waylon Jennings wrote about a 1969 poker session where Merle Haggard and his manager cleaned him out of $4,000-$5,000. They were supposedly friends. Jennings later wrote: "They were there to get my money. That was it." They were never close again.
You probably aren't playing for thousands, but the dynamic is identical at $50. One player treats it as a social evening where poker happens. Another treats it as a poker game where socializing happens. Neither is wrong, but if they're at the same table without acknowledging the gap, resentment builds.
Before your first game, be honest about what kind of night this is. A simple message in the group chat works:
"Saturday's game is $0.25/$0.50, $50 max buy-in. Pretty casual - we'll have drinks, people can come and go. Not a sweat session."
That one sentence sets the tone and gives the more competitive players a chance to calibrate.
The "One Person Is Way Better" Problem
Someone in the group reads poker books, watches training videos, and wins consistently. The rest of the table starts to feel like they're subsidizing that person's hobby.
A few things that help:
- The better player voluntarily plays looser. This isn't tanking or being condescending - it's choosing to play more hands, take more risks, and prioritize entertainment over optimal strategy. A good player can still have fun without grinding maximum value from their friends.
- Lower the stakes. If one player is consistently winning $150 a night, the stakes might be high enough that their edge compounds painfully. Drop the stakes so that the skill gap matters less.
- Switch to tournament format occasionally. Tournaments have more variance, which narrows the skill gap in any single session. The best player will still win more often over time, but not every single night.
The Income Disparity Table
Your friend group probably includes people at different income levels. A $50 buy-in is pocket change for one person and a meaningful expense for another. The person who can't afford it almost never says so. They just start finding excuses not to come.
If you're hosting, anchor the stakes to the least prosperous player. Not publicly - nobody wants to be the reason the stakes are low. Just know who that person is and set the game accordingly.
Drinking and Money Decisions
After three beers, that $100 rebuy feels like a great idea. At 2 AM on Sunday, it doesn't. More regrettable rebuys happen after midnight with an empty bottle of whiskey on the table than at any other time.
This is another argument for rebuy caps. The cap protects people from their own impaired judgment. If the house rule says one rebuy max, the drunk player who wants to fire another $100 into the game doesn't have to exercise willpower they don't have - the rule does it for them.
When Things Go Wrong
Every home game host deals with at least one of these situations eventually. Having a plan before it happens saves a lot of awkwardness.
"I Can't Afford That Buy-In"
If you're the one hearing this, respect it. A good response:
"No problem. Want to drop the stakes for tonight, or we can do a cheaper tournament format instead?"
If you're the one who can't afford it, be direct. People respect honesty far more than they respect the guy who buys in, loses, and is visibly miserable about it.
"I'd love to play but I'm tight this month. Could we do a $20 night sometime?"
Nobody worth playing poker with will judge you for this. And if they do, that tells you something about whether you want them at your table anyway.
Someone Owes Money and Won't Pay
Start gentle and escalate:
"Hey, can you send that Venmo for poker night? Just want to get it squared away."
If that doesn't work after a few days:
"I hate to keep bringing this up, but can you just send it right now while we're talking?"
If it's still unresolved, the person doesn't play again until they've settled. This isn't harsh - it's how functional home games work. Making it a house rule ("settle before the next game or you sit out") takes the personal sting out of enforcement.
The Sore Loser
Research on loss aversion suggests losing feels roughly twice as painful as winning feels good. At a friend's table, add the social sting of losing to someone you'll see at brunch next week.
On a poker forum, a player shared that his friend called him up and said, bluntly, "Nobody likes playing with you when you lose." Apparently the guy became a model loser after that - congratulating others on well-played hands, laughing at bad beats, buying the next round. Not every sore loser will respond to direct feedback, but it's worth trying before giving up on them.
For less drastic cases:
"It's just poker. Nice hand - want another beer?"
If the behavior is chronic, address it outside the game. Not during a hand, not at the table, not in front of everyone.
The Stakes Pusher
There's always someone who wants to play higher.
"The group voted and we're keeping it at $0.25/$0.50. You're welcome to play at these stakes."
No negotiation, no apologizing. The group decides the stakes, not the player with the biggest appetite for risk.
The "Can You Spot Me?" Problem
Make "no lending" a house rule from day one. This turns an awkward personal decision into an impersonal policy.
"Sorry, house rule - no credit. But you're welcome to hang out and jump in next game."
Nobody's feelings get hurt because it's not personal - it's the rule. The alternative, where you lend someone money and then spend the next two weeks wondering when they'll pay you back, is worse for the friendship than just saying no.
When Someone Needs to Be Uninvited
Nobody wants to do this, but sometimes it's the right call. A three-strikes approach gives you a clear framework: after the third instance of problematic behavior (chronic slow-rolling, berating other players, arguing about rules, not paying debts), have a private conversation.
"Hey, we've talked about [the behavior] a few times now and it's not working for the group. We're going to take a break from inviting you for a while."
Uncomfortable, yes. But protecting the game for six other people is worth one difficult conversation.
Alternative Formats Worth Trying
If straight cash games are causing friction, these formats change the dynamic entirely.
Tournament Structure
Tournaments solve most money problems automatically: everyone pays the same entry, everyone starts with equal chips, and the maximum anyone can lose is fixed. Here are two structures that work for home games:
Beginner-Friendly Tournament
- $20-40 buy-in, 10,000 starting chips
- 15-20 minute blind levels
- No rebuys
- Top 3 paid: 50% / 30% / 20%
- Total play time: roughly 3 hours
Standard Home Tournament
- $40 buy-in, 10,000 starting chips
- 1 rebuy allowed during the first 4 levels (about 1 hour)
- Optional $20 add-on for 5,000 chips at the first break
- 15-minute blind levels
- Top 3 paid from total prize pool
Bounty Tournaments
Split the buy-in: $20 total, with $10 going to the prize pool and $10 becoming your bounty. Knock someone out and you collect their $10 bounty immediately - cash in hand. Even if you bust in 6th place, you might still be up for the night if you knocked out two people. This format adds excitement and gives everyone a secondary goal beyond just surviving.
Mystery Bounty Variation: Instead of fixed bounties, put sealed envelopes with varying prizes ($5 to $50, or non-cash prizes like "loser buys winner's dinner"). Knock someone out, draw an envelope. Adds a game-show element that casual players love.
Poker Leagues
Track points across sessions instead of (or alongside) cash. Simple system: 1st place gets 10 points, 2nd gets 9, and so on down the table. Run a season over 10-12 sessions. Crown a champion at the end.
This shifts the focus from "I lost $40 tonight" to "Where am I in the standings?" It keeps people coming back even after a bad night because the longer game still matters. Add a traveling trophy or a "champion's chair" (the best seat at the table) and it becomes something people genuinely compete for beyond the cash.
Non-Cash Rewards
For groups where money is a persistent source of tension:
- Loser of the night brings snacks to the next game
- Season champion gets a trophy that lives at their house until dethroned
- Last place wears a silly hat during the next session
It sounds goofy. It works. Some of the best home games out there have laughably low stakes but incredibly competitive play because nobody wants to wear the rubber chicken hat.
The Pre-Game Checklist
Send this in your group chat before the first game. Modify it for your group, but cover every item.
Stakes and Buy-In
- Blinds: /
- Buy-in: $___ minimum / $___ maximum
- Starting chips: ___
Rebuys
- Allowed: Yes / No
- Maximum rebuys: ___
- Rebuy window: First ___ minutes only
- Rebuy amount: Same as initial buy-in
The Money
- Banker for tonight: ___
- Payment method: Cash / Venmo / Zelle
- Settle up: Before you leave, no exceptions
House Rules
- No lending or credit at the table
- No buying chips from other players (bank only)
- No removing chips from play (going south = banned)
- Verbal bets are binding
- Host has final say on disputes
Logistics
- Start time: ___
- Last buy-in accepted by: ___
- Hard stop: ___
Format
- Cash game / Tournament / Hybrid
- If tournament: blind schedule posted at the table
Print this, fill it in, and tape it to the wall. It looks a little over-the-top, but it prevents every single argument described in this article.
The Invitation Back
A poker writer once put it perfectly: "If nobody wants to come back next week, you haven't won - you've killed the game."
The critic A.O. Scott credits his regular poker night with saving his marriage. His therapist recommended he find a structured format for male friendship - regular, low-pressure, with built-in conversation and shared activity. Poker night was the answer.
That's what a good home game actually is. It's not about the pot. It's about having a place to show up every other Thursday where the phones go down, the beers come out, and for three hours you're just playing cards with people you like. The money is there to make the decisions matter. The friendship is there to make the evening matter.
Handle the money well, and the friendships take care of themselves.